leaving for changi airport in less than an hour le. why do i always feel so sian and down before i leave home to book in for an outfield exercise? well, it isnt a real question, cos i know the answer. rarh. i dread outfields. i hate not being able to talk to my mum at night before i sleep.
came across a box of letters and cards in my drawer ytd. read some. felt so nostalgic. i dun even remember some of those who mattered so much to me in the past. wonder why we lost touch. maybe i didnt put in enough effort. maybe you didnt. it just happened didnt it? to so many of us this must be true. people move in and out of our lives, friendships formed and broken, all too volatile. everything in this world seems so fluid, so undependable, so..unreliable. maybe this is why i'm holding on to my close friends now. but, who is to tell me that i wun lose them in the future? i often picture myself as a kola bear, clinging on to the tree for comfort, for survival. well, just that i cling on to more than one tree. i cling on to two.
army makes one treasure people more. or should i say, ocs? it made me prefer one-one date to gatherings. i will exchange a sat soccer morning for 3hours of sleep, but i'll exchange a morning of sleep for breakfast with nuer, for example. there's really so little time. to myself, for others, for family. i find myself exchanging money for time, literally, as if army pays me thousands.
more relevant to my daily thoughts, this is what bothers me. 我真的做贱我自己吗？is it wrong to hold on to memories? everyone's telling me to let go, but i find it more comfortable holding on to the past. wishing for some miracle to happen one day. waiting to be told that all that's happened is but a dream. wanting her to be back, somehow. certainly i know it's impossible, that i'm escaping from reality, running away from what hurts, but isn't having hopes what define us as humans? nobody told the kid that santa claus is fiction, but why can't anyone tell me it is still possible? and she's not fiction.
luan asked, "do u still like her?" i shared this with evonne today. i think it's easier, much easier in fact, to get over someone u like. it takes more than crying and days of slumber to get over someone u are used to have by ur side, whether or not she's always there. at the end of the day, bad memories hurt, but only for that instant. happy moments, good memories, haunt. yeah, haunt. at the end of the day, who actually remembers the times we fought? i remember the times we hugged and laughed. all so close to heart but so far away in the chronological order of the world.
on a lighter note, something for interest. research shows that it takes 4hugs a day to make one happy, 5 to feel important, and 6 to feel loved. so, maybe u can start giving hugs to you parents and siblings and people important to u (:
alright. brunei here i come. with a heavy heart.
came across a box of letters and cards in my drawer ytd. read some. felt so nostalgic. i dun even remember some of those who mattered so much to me in the past. wonder why we lost touch. maybe i didnt put in enough effort. maybe you didnt. it just happened didnt it? to so many of us this must be true. people move in and out of our lives, friendships formed and broken, all too volatile. everything in this world seems so fluid, so undependable, so..unreliable. maybe this is why i'm holding on to my close friends now. but, who is to tell me that i wun lose them in the future? i often picture myself as a kola bear, clinging on to the tree for comfort, for survival. well, just that i cling on to more than one tree. i cling on to two.
army makes one treasure people more. or should i say, ocs? it made me prefer one-one date to gatherings. i will exchange a sat soccer morning for 3hours of sleep, but i'll exchange a morning of sleep for breakfast with nuer, for example. there's really so little time. to myself, for others, for family. i find myself exchanging money for time, literally, as if army pays me thousands.
more relevant to my daily thoughts, this is what bothers me. 我真的做贱我自己吗？is it wrong to hold on to memories? everyone's telling me to let go, but i find it more comfortable holding on to the past. wishing for some miracle to happen one day. waiting to be told that all that's happened is but a dream. wanting her to be back, somehow. certainly i know it's impossible, that i'm escaping from reality, running away from what hurts, but isn't having hopes what define us as humans? nobody told the kid that santa claus is fiction, but why can't anyone tell me it is still possible? and she's not fiction.
luan asked, "do u still like her?" i shared this with evonne today. i think it's easier, much easier in fact, to get over someone u like. it takes more than crying and days of slumber to get over someone u are used to have by ur side, whether or not she's always there. at the end of the day, bad memories hurt, but only for that instant. happy moments, good memories, haunt. yeah, haunt. at the end of the day, who actually remembers the times we fought? i remember the times we hugged and laughed. all so close to heart but so far away in the chronological order of the world.
on a lighter note, something for interest. research shows that it takes 4hugs a day to make one happy, 5 to feel important, and 6 to feel loved. so, maybe u can start giving hugs to you parents and siblings and people important to u (:
alright. brunei here i come. with a heavy heart.
posted by Jiahao4 | 9:25 PM
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