If i'm female, i must be pms-ing now. Feeling super moody the past 2days alrdy. Moody over what? I dunno. Even if i know, i'll choose to not ignore it. I think that's what i've been doing - afraid of facing the problem.

just got reminded ytd that i'm nearing adulthood and i need to act like one soon! Kinda..tough. Being in control of my own emotions isnt that easy afterall. Maybe i'll just stay lidat for my whole life lah. Cant grow up then cannot lor. Bleah.

life's pretty boring, monotonous, meaningless and filled with uncertainty now. I dun feel comfortable yet i cant voice it out. I feel unjust for others yet i cant stand up for them. Im constantly trapped in a dilemma. Like, shou xin shou bei dou shi rou. Which side to whack? Staying neutral makes me feel so ill-disciplined and unethical. Roarr!

and the worst feeling comes when u cant help ur friend in fear of hurting the other. Then one will think u're taking sides, and tension arises. Before u know it, u've lost both because u chose to not do anything. The ultimate loser? Well, sucks to be me.

***

yesterday, i had 3 miss calls from a private number. Is it from u? I hope not. Still, i waited by my phone for the mysterious caller, who never call back again. Kinda stupid reason to get affected, but i was affected. Lol. Laugh at me. Go on, laugh.

'life is unreasonable. So, stop finding meaning in it.'