would you have done something even if you know that it will hurt someone else? someone you cared for?

i had done it a few times before. and this time round, i regret more than ever.

then again, harms' done. and i have only myself to blame i supposed.

i likened it to a conversation my dad and i had. about him wanting to quit smoking. he never once regretted smoking, but he also knows of the harmful effect it has on us. i'd never understand why the love for his family is not sufficient to bring him to quit smoking long ago, or even now. was it because he trusted in our love for him to forgive, to accept?

was it in me that i've believe no harm would be made? was i too blinded to see the extent of hurt? i knew there would be, but not this deep. nor the extent that frightens me.

never felt so lost before.