What Your Taste in Chocolate Says About You

You are sweet, mellow, and easily satisfied. You don't like anything too intense and dramatic. Deep down, you're a kid at heart... and you're nostalgic for the past. You are full of life and vigor. You have an amazing amount energy, and you keep very active. Some people feel like you can't focus on them. You do tend to be restless You love to be in love. You crave romance, whether you're single or not. You feel lost when you don't feel passion... you need someone to adore.

The Chocolate Oracle

sometimes i marvel at the accuracy of such quizzes. well, not everything they say is true. i can't focus on people? is that true? i thought i can. the rest are very true la oh wells..it does make me sound so desperate for love. perhaps i am. bleahs.

godsis came back from taiwan and bought me this cute doraemon soft toy! a little gift but to me it means so much. well, perhaps i was feeling down and her timely present cheered me up a little. i want to have an elder sister so much..someone for me to talk to, someone to give me advice. im just sick of being the elder in the family, always having to act as if everything is alright, when it obviously ain't. hai. im so shi bai. emotionally and physically weak. maybe army will go on to show that im mentally weak as well.

why am i not the one who i think i really am? the reflection in the mirror look so unfamiliar. maybe as what you have said, i really am a disappontment. the truth hurts. yea, it does. =(

the past haunts while the future's bleak. when will i break out of my own weak self?

Been a long time since i last blogged..my life is so different now. so many changes. well, wonder where is an approrpriate place to start.

5months into NS thus far. it isnt long, but it isnt short either. transition from BMT to OCS is certainly the toughest period of my NS life. excluding problems like bedbugs, stuffy mosquito nets, 2men bunks(which is hard to clean and maintain), OCS is tough because of the high standards they demand. i have no idea why the hell im in DELTA, bcos im obviously not a scholar. SCHOLAR. im not as smart, i didnt apply for any scholarship, im like the most crude person inside, et cetera. discipline is definitely strict, and i think we spend more time palms on parade square than standing on both feets during the first few weeks lah..but im not complaining that im in delta, because i'll rather be in here than in Foxtrot, Sierra or Tango. reason? my instructors my truly inspiring. especially my wing comd. well, i may not like certain things he does, but that's because whatever he wants moves me out of my comfort zone. he stretches it, and we whine, but end of day? we all benefit. im sure rest of my wing agrees.

i guess there isnt much about army to talk about. currently, im suffering from an unknown injury. suspected to be shin splint. doesnt feel like one, cos my shin doesnt hurt. but anyway, i almost got out of course(ooc) bcos of it. i pleaded with my pc, he talked to wing comd, i talked to wing comd, and wing comd kept me in. another thing about my wing comd, he likes people who wants to fight. i promised to fight, so im not giving up. why would i anyway? i want to be a Guards Officer so naturally, i'll fight to get into GCC. (though i heard that with an injury, my chances of getting into Guards Conversion Course is almost zero.)

outside army, i screwed up more i supposed. well basically, i got into a r/s, and out of it, in less than 2mths. u know, sometimes i just cant help but feel im a jerk. i guess people around me(except luan) are trying to be nice and not hurt my feelings lah, but i am a bastard. well what can i say? if i say im sorry, yet unable to make up for my mistake, what's the point of saying sorry? if i aint sorry, then i wouldnt bother caring. even though i dun show it directly to her.

i supposed there are a few things i nvr got to tell u directly. it is totally untrue to say i didnt like u at all. bcos i did. just that it's the kind of feeling that don't last. i was hesitatant to promise, to commit. no reason why. i dun understand the sudden change in me either. but the change in me allowed me to see what i wasnt able to last time. and this is really why i had to let the r/s go. not ur fault, but entirely mine. so in any case, though u're no longer my gf, it still hurts to learn abt certain things u are doing to get over the r/s. well, i think it's inappropriate to show direct concern, so i hope u read this and understand that my intentions were never to hurt u.

okay anyway, the short r/s made me more aware of what's going on inside. i realised i've been running away all this while. running away because it hurts. maybe if i had learned to be more accepting, things wouldnt have turned out this way? then i wouldnt break another heart? well, it's just so hard to tell others how messed up i feel.

i always thought i knew what was going on, until i crashed my own confidence. am i going to gamble a third chance? i dunno. i just want to wake up from this nightmare asap. maybe i really am dreaming. Maybe.