i think scholarship essays are tough to write. i have no idea what to write for them! =X

another problem: most of my teachers have left the teaching profession. WHO TO WRITE REFERRAL LETTER?! >.<

maybe it was my own mistake for being lazy and undecided and not applying last year. hope things will go fine. i need a scholarship.

don't know why but i'm feeling ambitious nowadays. maybe it's because of what my CO said to me. maybe it's because of the encouragement my surbordinates have given me. in any case, i want to be someone significant! but, my language ability (or should it be disability?) may be a bigger obstacle than i can fathom. HMMMM...

that day i was walking home after a tiring day in camp, and stoning along the way. then suddenly, i saw the banner of MPs in Ang Mo Kio GRC, and i thought to myself, "i want to be a minister!" HAHAH. go ahead and laugh at me. i know it's impossible BUT! you'll never know.

so much for daydreaming. reality check 1: my AWOL-ed technician is captured. this means more (paper) work for me in the upcoming days! and visits to DB. and also a chance to appear in court marshall and defend a surbordinate i have never seen before. sounds challenging!

reality check 2: IPPT is coming up and i need to get a gold this time round. i need more focused training and more discipline! i can't fail my own new year resolution, can i?

reality check 3: my CO daughter's common test is tomorrow! i have put in my best effort to teach, but she is not improving. and this makes me worry and disappointed in myself. i can't be a lousy teacher right? this is one fact i'll refuse to accept, IF it is a fact.

reality check 4: it's past midnight and i have another long day at work tmr. i should sleep like now!

and i'm meeting nuer this sat! yayness!
nuer grow up liao now i'm mister lee jia hao to her can! hahaha.

song currently playing on my wmp: The Music of the Night. definitely and moving and touching song(:

somewhere around this time last year was the worst time i'm having in army.

everything about the army now is not worth mentioning anymore. i've survived through all trainings and now own an office in nee soon camp and enjoying life as a young 2LT protected by his bosses.

but the heartache i had to endure..well. i shall not say anything. it's been a year and it still affects me. "if i could, i would." nothing puts my situation in place more aptly than this phrase, i believe.

in any case, if u think i'm different from the jiahao4 u used to know, dun doubt urself. it's true, i've changed. by a lot in fact. and for the worst i think. well for one, i dun really like who i am anymore. sometimes i despise myself, sometimes i'm proud of myself. it's just so..i dunno. as if i'm struggling to establish my own identity, yet i ain't trying to do so.

knowing myself, i dun think i'll like the upcoming 2weeks. so in case i give any of u guys attitude, i shall apologise in advance. it aint easy stopping memories from coming back.

Happy b'day everyone! :D

for those who still visits my blog, thanks. It's dying, i know. But nvm lah hahah! It's the 7th day of first lunar month so it's everyone's bday today! So, WHERE ARE MY PRESENTS?! (:

i want an acoustic guitar.
I want an electronic drumset.
I want a queen-size bed.
I want an ipod touch.
I want a blueberry cheesecake.
I want play soccer.
I want play badminton.
I want a new laptop.

hahah i want so many things but it's okay i'll get them one by one some day yay!

more than anything else, i want my dad to be appreciated by my lousy, ungrateful uncles and aunties.

and my grandma to be able to play mahjong happily like she did ytd with me.

every cny, something uglier surfaced on both my parents' family. Adult world is so dark and disappointint.

am turning 20 soon. But i dunwan to grow up.