"this is home, truly..."

yepp that's a part the song. everyone in the ferry was singing it as we draw closer to the SAF ferry terminal 2 days ago. there's no place on earth like home. really.

oh wells no much time alrdy so i'll stop being emo-ishly homesick hahaha. first 2 weeks of BMT was surprisingly enjoyable. seriously. i had good food, good accomodation, good companions, good sergeants, good officers. but good things dun last lah. the commanders were only nice for that 2 weeks, so they told us. bcos they cannot punish us during our "period of adjustment".

2 weeks was very long. everyday me and my buddy sat at the lecture room or on our bed and waited for the moment when we can cross out one more day on our calender. initially, it was so tough for me lah. emotionally and physically. i nvr felt so homesick before. and never once was my muscles strained to such extent. to the extent that i cannot bathe without pain. the first few days is horrible. couldnt keep in pace with the trainings, which aint very hiong at all, and had no friends yet. the feeling's like stranded on an island alone. so hard to cope.

but as days passed things got better. my bunkmates are very nice people! tho they always suan me but i dun mind lah. CSM told us that suaning each other is part and parcel of army life. bcos thru suaning, we actually get to know each other better? that's his theory, which i think was quite true. and talking about our CSM, he is really very funny guy. i've heard stories of CSM being very strict and all but my CSM is very nice outside foot drills training. well, he knows when to be strict and when not to.

there isnt much about army life anyway. nothing much to update and nothing much happened anyway. everyday follows the same old schedule: 0530 revellie, 0545 5BX + run, 0615 breakfast, 0700~1230 trainings, 1230 lunch, 1300~1730 trainings again, 1730 dinner, 2100 RO, 2200 lights out. hahaha. the only free time is from 2130 to 2230. but they always drag. and it's because we are always taking our own sweet time and not on the ball. i just want more admin time lah. dun even have time to wash my clothes lah. that's why i wore 1 set of long 4 for the past 2 weeks and my admin and pt shirts at least 7days each. pt shorts i wear one for the whole 2 weeks lah bcos i couldnt change the size of the pt shorts issued and my friend only loaned me 1 pair. so...dunno. at least i learnt to not mind being dirty and smelling terrible. i think this skill will become a valuable asset when i go field camp. which is...3weeks later? 17th feb if im not wrong. hahaha.

alrights i really have no time to type anymore. time to pack my bag and iron my uniform! 6days more to book out again wheeeee! btw, my next book out is saturday afternoon. so sad right? oh wells..

alrights. i'm enlisting today! 11th jan! woohoo. so fun right. i'm like TOTALLY excited about it? =/ whatever.

okay so ytd wasnt all the enjoyable as a "last day in singapore for the next 2 weeks" thing. i'd describe my entire day as disappointing and sad. that's why my nick says "jiahao4 feels like...crying." seriously, i feel this way because of things that didnt happen, not those that happened.

1) i just wanted a reunion dinner of some sort. how long was it when the 4 of us sat down and have a proper family dinner before? hello ur son is going into army and are u any more concerned about me than the cat there on ave6? whatever man.

2) i merely wanted to meet up with my aunt family who doted me the most. i just want to see them lor. some dinner it was supposed to be.

3) i only wanted a little of ur time lor. never mind if u can't go tmr morning. never mind if u can't take leave to pei me the whole of ytd. not even dinner? im not blaming ur mum for not letting u go. u probably didnt fight for it anyway..as usual? i dunno. correct if im wrong.

all i wanted is to spend the day with the ones i love. guess what? i guess im a complete loser who no one loves. whatever. at least i have luan and ann. hmphh.

and yes. im hurt. i really am. my friends care for me more than you people do anyway. u all care for me inside, but what's the point of caring if u dun show it? might as well dun show. at least i dun need to keep haunting myself with the qn "do they care?" right. i only wanted that LITTLE reassurance to keep me secured, keep me happy lor. bleah. whatever. i really feel like a complete loser.

ns is just another phase of my life which i wish people i love is there to accompany me enter this totally new phase. just like how parents help a baby learn how to walk. hmph.

it's kinda late and it's the best time to emo! haha im not emo-ing now but some random things just came into my mind and i dun feel like sleeping yet, so i'll blog.

ONE. sometimes i wonder what other couples feel when they pda on the streets, in the mrt, in macdonalds, at the various amk void decks, etc. i dunno. it makes me wonder why some people are so daring to show, and why some others aint. is it bcos of the environment we grow up in? or the tv shows we watch? or the cartoon when we are young? dunno. but what i know is personally, i find it reasonable to hug and hold hands in public. and maybe kisses on the cheek. but on the lips? hmmm. i know i dun mind cos i see my parents pda-ing on the streets all the time anyway. my parents are a very loving pair u know. and i believe it's my parents who 'set' the type of gf im looking for. the kind who will give hugs anytime and the kind who will hold on to my arm u know. but wells, chuwen aint like that. hahah. hey girl, u know what to do to make me happy now? =)

TWO. the next qn that's bothering me nowadays is how important are friendships? and how do people usually show that they care for their friend and treasure the friendship? well okay it's the yisong incident that got me thinking. and im still trying to find the answer. between girls, i know ur always talk on the phone, sometimes like bimbos, sometimes gossiping, sometimes discussing about some hot guys u met, or whatever. the point is girls talk to each other on phone more than guys do. and i dun call my guy friends to talk to, i rather find girls(sry guys, but i find girls better listener). and right up till now, my longest phone chitchat record is approx 2hrs(or more?) with yisong! hahaha and he is the ONLY guy i talk to on phone about problems in life. anyone cares to tell me what have u done to show ur friend u treasure the friendship? maybe i should start a discussion board like what xq did on facebook for this kinda topic. it'll be interesting to know, no? hahhaa.

THREE. steph got me thinking about this today. pessimism and optimism. do they make a different to your r/s? okay abit confusing and difficult to understand right? k so i was telling steph(who is always my same font twin!) about this tv programme chuwen told me about, dunno what da gao bai lah. anyway, one of the topic is about 兵变。if u duno what it means, it simply means the girl 2timing her bf who is in army. yepp. then i was telling steph that im afraid of such stuff. and even though i just patched and all and the r/s is supposed to become stronger and stuff, i worry myself with the thought of 兵变。then steph scolded me for having pessimistic thoughts. but i thought, it's possible and what's wrong with having that kinda thoughts? steph's argument: "having pessismistic thoughts about a r/s increase chances of it failing." isit really so? another topic for discussion hahaha.

FOUR. and what amazed me most is luan. hahaha luan ar luan, my very special friend k! i shall dedicate a paragraph to u. okay luan is the first person i regard as a close friend bcos she's a very very very (x1000000) good listener. i think. hahaha. and she's strong willed, that's why a weak willed jiahao4 needs her as a friend! oh wells i dunno what to say except that she's been so nice to me and all and i feel so bad that i cant do anything to help her when she's troubled by THE problem. hahaha. i really want to open up ur brain and see how it function. how come it's logic over mind for u? seriously, i want to learn how to do that. bcos if i can, then i wun be so troubled and sad and emo-ish and stuff right? oh wells.

FIVE. my nuer! hahaha okay lah im sry to say but u are the 2nd special friend to me! well we only became very close like since last year, even though u've been calling me papa for 4years and counting. tried talking to u the past few days and i sensed that u are not in the very good mood. but i cant tell why. and u're not telling. it's alright, im not whining and complaining that u keep things to urself. no matter what happens, i'll always be ur papa so i'll always be there for you k! and cheer up cos if u dun smile, there's one less reason for me to smile =)

SIX. steph! my unique same font twin! hahah i think people will really mistake us as twins u know! just that we dun look the same. im so ugly. oh wells..now that i'm happier, but u are still stuck at the bottom of the emo-well. the sun is rising the rainy days will be over if u believe it will! i see a nice guy coming by so...u know what i mean lah huh =D dear u pls cheer up! cos that's another reason less for me to smile!

SEVEN. dear! hee yepp you've been in my mind for so long so long! well there are so many things i want to say to u, but maybe i'll write u a letter cos not everything's for the public to see! hahahaha. but what's been troubling me nowadays is, will things go back to before? i dunwan it to. but things do seem to be going back and i'm really afraid that u'll break ur promise again, like how u always do. hmmm..i dunno. just dun k? =)

EIGHT. then there's negativ i miss so much and just everyone in njchoir! i just miss u guys. and so many of ur are my good friends! it's so impossible for us to sing again and stuff, hai. kinda sad. cos njchoir really changed my life. negativ is the one i learnt most from. both drained me of my energy for the past 2 years, but it's energy well drained! hahahah. well so basically, negativ and njchoir is in my mind bcos i misses u people.

NINE. and my lovey seniors! roy mav laoda rhoda! hahahah laoda and rhoda ends with DA! bleahs not funny. okay. SOMEONE promised me a steamboat for SO LONG and i've yet to get it! and i'm irritated because ur had steamboat while i'm away in hongkong! so..DO STH! cos i misses u all!

TEN. by now, u must be thinking why there are so many things going on in my mind. hahha there are tons more u know! like amk gang, the serangoon gang(which i haven seen in a long time), the west side gang(chipmunks is going to end soon!!!!) and so many people i miss. aiya dunno lah. so many friends, but didnt have the chance to tell them all how much the friendship means to me. guess sometimes, i may be abit crude in the way i converse(esp with andersonian guys), but underneath is a caring tone which u may not detect. hahahah.

ELEVEN. i'm so tired now so the last thing on my mind is SLEEP! so i'm going to sleep now. i feel so yun. like i'm drifting around the room =X maybe cos i typed too long and stared too hard at the screen. aiya who cares? it'll be gone tmr morning. so gdnight everyone! =D

hello singapore! happy new year! hoho just came back from hongkong it's...not very fun i didnt really enjoy myself there. keep thinking of all those stuff that i missed out! like the s06 party, like spending new year with her, like the STEAMBOAT! RARH!

oh wells i lazy to blog alot cos im tired from the hk trip. mentally and physically. and it's so cold. brr. i nearly had asthma attack. i think smoking is free of charge in hongkong. tgt with the cold weather and sometimes, still air, the air in hongkong is TERRIBLE. people like me cant stop coughing to the extent that i wished i can fly back to singapore the very moment. hahahhaa.

so anyway, the previous post can be disregarded. like what luan said. yepp so it's a happy 2008 for me =) continuous chalets for the next 5days! so maybe i wun be online. hahaa. alrights haf fun everyone. will upload hongkong pictures onto facebook soon. i think. =X