leaving for changi airport in less than an hour le. why do i always feel so sian and down before i leave home to book in for an outfield exercise? well, it isnt a real question, cos i know the answer. rarh. i dread outfields. i hate not being able to talk to my mum at night before i sleep.

came across a box of letters and cards in my drawer ytd. read some. felt so nostalgic. i dun even remember some of those who mattered so much to me in the past. wonder why we lost touch. maybe i didnt put in enough effort. maybe you didnt. it just happened didnt it? to so many of us this must be true. people move in and out of our lives, friendships formed and broken, all too volatile. everything in this world seems so fluid, so undependable, so..unreliable. maybe this is why i'm holding on to my close friends now. but, who is to tell me that i wun lose them in the future? i often picture myself as a kola bear, clinging on to the tree for comfort, for survival. well, just that i cling on to more than one tree. i cling on to two.

army makes one treasure people more. or should i say, ocs? it made me prefer one-one date to gatherings. i will exchange a sat soccer morning for 3hours of sleep, but i'll exchange a morning of sleep for breakfast with nuer, for example. there's really so little time. to myself, for others, for family. i find myself exchanging money for time, literally, as if army pays me thousands.

more relevant to my daily thoughts, this is what bothers me. 我真的做贱我自己吗？is it wrong to hold on to memories? everyone's telling me to let go, but i find it more comfortable holding on to the past. wishing for some miracle to happen one day. waiting to be told that all that's happened is but a dream. wanting her to be back, somehow. certainly i know it's impossible, that i'm escaping from reality, running away from what hurts, but isn't having hopes what define us as humans? nobody told the kid that santa claus is fiction, but why can't anyone tell me it is still possible? and she's not fiction.

luan asked, "do u still like her?" i shared this with evonne today. i think it's easier, much easier in fact, to get over someone u like. it takes more than crying and days of slumber to get over someone u are used to have by ur side, whether or not she's always there. at the end of the day, bad memories hurt, but only for that instant. happy moments, good memories, haunt. yeah, haunt. at the end of the day, who actually remembers the times we fought? i remember the times we hugged and laughed. all so close to heart but so far away in the chronological order of the world.

on a lighter note, something for interest. research shows that it takes 4hugs a day to make one happy, 5 to feel important, and 6 to feel loved. so, maybe u can start giving hugs to you parents and siblings and people important to u (:

alright. brunei here i come. with a heavy heart.

I'm very happy today!! =D

okay, i'll first list down what i did today.

1030 - went NJC to have breakfast/brunch with nuer
1300 - went ecp cage to play soccer with delta platoon3 guys
1900 - took same font to CHIJMES to have dinner

seems like i only did 3 things. but they are fruitful and meaningful and everything else nice! especially the dinner. guess how much i spent? $127 for 2people! ex right? but i really dun mind the price leh. 一分钱一分货. everything about CAPELLA in CHIJMES is nice lah pls. the decor, the ambience, the music, the food, the wine glasses, the TIRAMISU, and even the waitress and waiter! (btw, the waitress is pretty and the waiter is this half angmo who is tall and handsome hahhaah) tho im broke right now, i dun regret! i think i made steph her day, and i made myself high too! havent felt this happy for quite some time le. i supposed, desserts really lift one's spirits up. TIRAMISU! YUMMMMMM. =DD

and ytd was my social night. delta wing social night. i think it's pretty well organised lah, kudos to the organisers(except someone). platoon3 video is imba pls. super funny lah! and the best part is, dun need to dance and drink! woohoo. saved. haaha.

well, i quite like this kinda event. but maybe not ytd's. if possible, i want to go on social parties of this kind then can really go and meet new people, and see how i fare in human relations. maybe i need to brush up on my english before i do. hmmm.

shall dedicate a short paragraph for my bestest friend luan! hahha. see i regard her as my bestest friend cos i think she's the one who really know me lah. but oh wells, it's hard to get her attention de lor. she got so many other goodfriends to attend to. but anyway, thanks for ur compliment on ur blog (: u've been a nice friend too! and u werent that bad as my date pls. at least u didnt zibi and sulk and emo and whatever not. hee.

alrights. i hope my state of hype lasts for at least the next few days. i hate days when im down and emo-ish in camp and i cant even call luan to talk. boo. alrights. flying off to brunei later tonight. will be back on the 9th morning! then the next day will be payday! woohoo. i leave singapore broke, but i'll return wealthy! wheee.

"Lee Jia Hao. Logistics."

That's all my wing comd said to me before RO today. I'm posted to Logistics. My first reaction?

WTH?!?!?!

yeah, i was pretty shocked. very shocked. i thought that i'll be able to stay in infantry if i put infantry as my first choice. and i really want to stay. to be able to go brunei, and TAIWAN. but oh wells, part of me was filled with relief. logistics isnt that physically demanding so maybe my injury wun worsen and i wun ooc! =D and, i think i need to learn some management skills. somehow, my life is rather screwed up due to poor management. hur-hur.

oh ya, i went to the MO today. scripted and rehearsed my argument to fight for less status so i wun ooc. well, the time spent on preparation to argue was futile, useless. because the MO didnt intend on giving me ANY status. he totally ignored the specialist's recommendation of 2months excuse lower limb. again, it's mixed emotions. happy because i wun need to ooc to recover. angry because i wasnt informed that the specialist appointment is made so i can arrange for a bonescan with the doctor! tho my injury is diagnosed as shin splint, the doctors cannot be 100% sure without a bonescan. what if it's a minor fracture? what if it's hairline crack? what if..so many 'what if's lah. i just hope jiazheng is wrong and im really suffering from a serious case of shin splint. dear santa, pls let it be just a plain old shin splint. thanks.

few more days. i cant wait. but i wun have much block leave, will i? need to attend so many briefings because im crossing over to support arms. well, logistic isnt really considered an arm, is it? =S nvm. if i promised to date any of u friends reading this and i couldnt, im sry! army is unexpected. i'll try my best to keep my promises k? =)

kinda late. should sleep alrdy. shopping date with luan tmr! finally! after 4weeks of waiting. hahaha. today is a day of multiple emotions. what a fruitful day. hur-hur.

book out book out! hahah today is my book out day =D for 6hrs also happy. want to know why? cos there's ALMOST NO BOOK OUT this weekend! well, we get to book out from sat morning, probably after breakfast, till sat night, probably 2100? that isnt so bad lah, for ocs standard. but it's a pain seeing sierra wing in book out attire practically all the time since monday. =/ some things just cant be compared. boo.

okay so i booked out for specialist appointment. to check on my injured leg. i first feel pain like 10wks ago lah..oh wells, doesnt matter. at least my past 4weeks havent been very shiong so i got time to rest my injury. and i think i recovered alrdy! bwahahah. no need to OOC woohoo! =D okay i'll stop deluding myself. nothing is confirmed yet. it's still 99% chance that i'll OOC. =(

this week is supposed to be enrichment week! to learn new stuff, non-army related stuff. guess what we learnt ytd night? SALSA DANCING! hahaha. it's so interesting lah. groups of guys 'hugging' each other and making a fool out of themselves. hahaha. okay so im supposed to know how to salsa, and we HAVE to salsa next week on social night. i cant imagine dancing with luan lah! i think her foot will suffer HAHAHAH. =P

okay time to move out of my house to alexander hospital liao. 9more days to end of service term! whee! i cant believe i survived until now. next major event: 24km route march(which im only doing 16km bcos of my injury)

feel like blogging, but there isn't a topic to blog about. my life is so mundane. what else can be said about army life? and who is actually interested in it? =/

book out is like such a waste of time now. actually didnt want to book out. wanted to just stay in bunk and sleep my less-than-24hr-bookout away. but my mp3 ran out of batt and i have a cls gathering. so i booked out. and now i regretted going for cls gathering. it's not a complete waste of time, but im so low in energy that i keep stoning. and the times i were talking, it's about army. it's like, ns guys gathering and girls gossip session lah. bleah. but then again, it's nice to see the girls once in a while, knowing that they are all doing fine and whatnot.

oh wells..next week's spade. going to be so tired and confirm will kena heat rash everywhere. sian. just hope that everything goes well and dun get anything extra from the instructors, like say, tekan sesion. i hate it when they tekan us outfield. i'll rather do 3 ippt back to back. just joking. hahah.

alrights, 3 more weeks to end of service term! then i'll ooc. i hope i wun lah actually, but need to rest my injured leg. and i have block leave! so dying to meet so many people! i should start planning my block leave of 2days now. keep me motivated. yeah! =D

book im reading currently: The Time Traveler's Wife. hope i can finish it in 3weeks' time so i can return it to jiazheng. seems like a good book! =D